Recognizing Stress in Your Clients

Wouldn't it be nice if your clients were only concerned about negotiating a fair price for the product at hand, or working through the details of complex negotiations? The fact of the matter is, we are all are at one time or another carrying stress into the marketplace. My belief is we cannot escape the tendency on occasion to seek on an unconscious level a lowering of our stress, on top of the external objectives we are negotiating.

In the restaurant and hospitality industry for instance, where the client's overt objective is simply to indulge in a pleasure experience, or pay for a matter of convenience, very different attitudes are exhibited from those who are simply there to relish the moment, and those who are on a limited budget, have limited time to fit another experience into their day, or have other things on their minds. When these clients come through the door, whether they are seeking food, a hotel room, or a new copy machine contractor, are we able to read the signs and respond to the stress component?

All too many times I have found that co-workers tend to react to these nuanced behaviors-stubbornness, impatience, dissatisfaction, loss of temper, excessive demand-in moral and etiquette oriented ways. Some of us react with the sense that this client is disrespecting us, and so needs to be taught some good manners. Some of us react with the sense that this person is overly demanding or merely perfectionistic, and so needs to get with the program.

The fact of the matter is, whether for good, bad or worse, stress generates an additional set of control issues. Appearance in the marketplace-whether we are getting a bargain, getting had, or paying a fair price for a quality product-can become overly important when stress is in play. Excessive demands or hair-trigger dissatisfaction can be signs of stress levels high enough such that any location where venting can occur is turned into a necessary opportunity to unload some of the emotional and physiological discomfort that characterizes stress. That place is likely to be the marketplace.

In reading about customer complaint behavior and stress, and through my own personal experience with dissatisfied, obviously-and not so obviously-stressed clientele, the stress component is mis- or under-identified and rarely appreciated. We need to recognize that stress can manage itself at times through venting, an attempt at over-control or through complaint. That doesn't mean we become dysfunctional, but we may tend to find these unconscious ways of re-balancing the client's internal stress picture in play. I liken this to Sigmund Freud's Freudian slip.

We informally enter into a negotiation, say a discrepancy over the route a cabbie is taking, and suddenly we find ourselves unloading on the guy because he's chosen a route we are unfamiliar with. All of a sudden, our stress has added to the equation by rocketing through the assessment of his reasons and telescoping into judgement prudent responses and caution before jumping to conclusions. We know he's trying to rip us off. But no-one has stopped to ask if there was stress coming into the transaction. And more often than not, I'd bet the answer is yes.

If we are aware of the likelihood that stress is coming through the door, and we don't relegate it to 'the other guy's problem', we create an opportunity for value- added service in the marketplace. First, we must be supportive of staff members that deal directly with clientele. They need support especially under stressful circumstances. We can assess performance separately from this support role that managers and senior level leaders need to offer.

Secondly, those of us on the front line can learn to recognize and respond to the stress component in our clientele by noting when we believe stress is a part of the transaction from the client's view, and giving that component validity on its own terms. This doesn't mean satisfying the client's demands the client's way each and every time, but it may mean withholding an exchange that puts demands in confrontation with one another: 'I'll give you this when you give me that'. This is a basic de-escalatory tactic, but one which we sometimes seem to neglect.

I am a big proponent of rehearsal, because rehearsal is like a fire drill. With a good practice, when we are blind sided by a reaction from a client in a transaction, instead of repressing our reaction, or reacting in kind, we trigger a different program entirely. In a fire drill, the alarm is used in a calm rehearsal of the anticipated situation, so that the neural pathways and responses are reinforced with the state of calm, and proactive responses are programmed that flow from the trigger of the fire alarm when the real thing occurs. When the client walks into the marketplace with stress, the best way to attain customer satisfaction will be to reduce the stress, as well as the providing for the client's wants or needs. That way, all the client is talking about on the way out the door is what a great experience they've had.

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